Airports... and Mountains.

This is so funny.  I feel almost as if I m doing a 24 hour solo again, only this time I am in the complete opposite setting from last time.
Beautiful mountainous terrain is replaced by international airport hustle. Instead of fresh open air, I am contained in air-conditioned terminal air. Rather than birds and distant dog howls, I hear the chatter of a hundred different languages all around me. Rather than the complexity and mystery of the beautiful trees and foliage, I am now surrounded by countless replicas of designer brand stores, duty free liquor gleaming with prices, and staple coffee and food shops.
Instead of my thoughts echoing into nature, my thoughts swirl out into an abyss of jet-lagged, streamlined travelers.
And yet I feel a similar energy within myself...
The same as last time, if I want this experience to be anything other than WHAT IT IS, I will be miserable. SO I can whine to myself about being here for so long, or I can get lost in the comforting friendliness of my own mind, allowing it to be free. Putting restrictions on what we wish reality could be like in this moment, or how we wish we were in this moment, only puts strains on the self which create inner conflict. Whether in an undesirable airport terminal, completely plugged in (as it were) to "reality", or on a distant mountaintop away from other humanity, the inner reality may be a constant stream of peace with how things are naturally playing out; peace with what is.
So, I am trying my best to NOT try... to tap into this peace. And though I am getting strange looks for stretching in my bright-hippie clothes in the corner on the floor, I think I am at least more at peace here than many of these people running around, looking at the next thing they could buy... we have it all backwards.

I Hate The System.

I Hate The System So MUCH. I just tried to get on an earlier flight home- I even started crying and begging, and saying that my sister was having a baby! The universal response? "I'm sorry, we can't do that for you ma'am." ...Just one little seat? GOD! Now I am here for the next 12 hours, plus a 12 hour flight after that This is SO unnecessary! No one book through Student Travel Association. Even though they claim to give you the best deals, they screw you over! I NEVER asked for a 24 hour layover, and I know that there were other options when  I booked my tickets MONTHS ago! Wow, come to think of it, I had a dream a long time ago, about being in Hong Kong, and being afraid that I wouldn't get home. Well, I know I'll be getting home, but I just have a LOOOOT of time to kill before that time comes.
..Any suggestions?? The consumeristic stores here are already making me sick and crazy. There is only so much you can do in an airport. And I just don't feel like going through customs to take a bus into the city with my huge backpack, when I have no inclination to really experience it. They should have workout rooms at airports!! Dude, that is what people need to do!! Maybe I should just bust out dancing. They'd probably send security on me. They do have a massage and shower spa... $50... I think I may pamper myself. Other than that, I guess I just have to accept this hellish ride, and accept that sometimes, we just waste time. That is just the way it is. And even though this SUCKS, it COULD be WORSE.

I LOVE YOU! Ready or not, HOME I COME

HELLO!
Everyone, I am ALIVE!
...But just barely. Naw, it's not that bad; but travelling was pretty uproarious at times!
That is where I have been, by the way: my group went traveling for ten days through southern India, into a city called Mysore (the second cleanest city in India), and to a place called Honey Valley, which is a beautiful resort in the mountains.
It was a great experience- I have some stories for you, but I think I'd rather wait to tell you in person. They are not really blog-fodder, and plus, I have just a few days left now in Auroville, and my intent is to be HERE and fully and presently as I can in the few remaining days.
I am felling very sad to leave, but I am also excited for home. I just hope that I will be able to maintain my center and grounding in the midst of the hecticness of traveling, as well as the intensity of western culture! It will be a good challenge for me, as well as a chance to really reflect on the lessons I have been having here!
I am so excited to give you all hugs! SO much love!
Your girl,

~Heather

More On Money - Take It Or Leave It? Systems Analysis

Here are some pictures of life recently, and a quote to go along with my previous entry (about money and the economic system): "The nature of the gift, unlike goods that can be bought and sold, is that it must be kept in motion. The logic of gifts, like a river, is one of flow, whereas market in a market system, wealth is disengaged from the flow and becomes concentrated in pools. Scarcity appears when wealth cannot flow, Like a river, if the gift flow is dammed up, it will stagnate, and and the dam (one who hoards) will metaphorically burst." (Taken from my professor, Karen Litfin's article called The Sacred and the Profane in the Ecological Politics of Sacrifice) 

So what do you think? ...Auroville here is trying to run on a different economic model- one that is sustainable internally. They are not quite there yet, but they still hold this vision in mind. Sadhana Forest, similarly, is running on a "gift economy", where they do the work that needs to be done no matter what, without worrying about the money. Then, based on community friendship, activism and trust, money flows back to them.

So do you think we (the U.S., or even globally) could shift from the system we have now? Or do you think it is working just fine as is? 

...Yes, these are big questions- similar to the ones I have been having to ask for the past 7 weeks- to be honest, it is TOO MUCH sometimes to try to be thinking in these grandiose terms all the time, but HEY; it is also essentially beneficial. Okay, enjoy the pictures! 

Money, Material and Full Moon Howling

I had a very successful shopping experience today!
Now, shopping is something that I've tried to avoid as a valuable cultural experience here, since it is ALL.ABOUT. CONSUMING. However, I realized today that interacting with the shopkeepers is actually a really accessible way to interact with Indian culture.
Many of the shopkeepers here are from Northern India, specifically Kashmir. Since talking to many of them, I want to come back and go to Kashmir!
First of all, the name- doesn't it just sound beautiful? ;)
It is in the mountains, with many lakes and rivers, and it is known for its outdoor adventuring.
Yep, sign me up.
And what is more, the shopkeepers I have intermittently been interacting with over the past weeks are really open and friendly. They remember me, and greet me whenever I ride by. (The main shopping village is on the way to the beach.) Some of them really invest time in building relationship, which is a refreshing breath of an experience in contrast to the stifling pressure of many Indian sopping experiences. ("You buy NOW!")
At the apex of this realization here is this one man, who I bought something from the other week. His shop is called "The Same But Different". When I was in there, I didn't have enough money to purchase the item. He said, "Oh no, you don't worry about it; you give me the money when you have it. Just enjoy this garment, enjoy the afternoon, and give many blessings." Well this just about startled me to death! Can you imagine going to Nordstrom's during Christmastime, having a long chat with the salesperson (who offers you a chai), picking out a beautiful garment with their undivided attention's help, and then them saying, "oh yes, take it, and come back to pay some other time."
Wow. This was a different experience.
We are SO based on MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, it is like it has its own entity, own energy and force, that sweeps us up and carries us along with it, guiding us around by the throats.
We are slaves to money.
Generally speaking.
Of course, this isn't how it has to be, and there are many different mentalities to help alleviate this devastating economic view, but- it is sadly true that the basis of our entire economy is run on money, and direct exchange. This does not leave any room for work exchange, or any other type of arrangement. It is solely for the individual gain!
Now how isolating is that? It just develops this energy of separate smallness, and creates a dominant paradigm of selfish work ethic.
Anyway, that is just a little rant- and the experience of sifting through the waves of colorful fabrics here is actually quite a nice sensual experience. All the garments smell of incense and the stories of the hand-made places they are from around the country of India.
~*~*~*~
Also, last night was the full moon. Henry, Richie and I went to the top of a 200 foot watertower to watch the moon rise, and picnic with some people from Sadhana forest. Then we rode our bikes down to the beach, despite many peoples' various warnings, and dove into the moonlit water!! It was SO cleansing, celebratory, rejuvenating, relinquishing, childlike, and adventurous. (Neil, you would have loved it!!)
So that was great- It is always nice to HOWL AT THE FULL MOON!
~*~*~*~

Early Space of Morning Breath

Here is a poem I wrote this morning:

~*~*~*~

As soon as I Rise

The fresh air fills my lungs.

As soon as I rise,

I am in nature.

As soon as I rise, 

I am enlivened by

The early-morning energy Zen;

The peaceful awakening.

As soon as I rise, 

The birds are chirping sweetly and

abundantly, in greeting.

The ingenuous drops of dew sit innocently

 on the newly growing tomato plants.

As soon as I rise,

I feel comfortable in my skin.

A softness, gentle spaciousness, permeates my being.

As soon as I rise,

I feel peaceful.

I breathe in deeply,

Filling up my inner energy-body 

with the

Sweet, supple nectar of the morning.

~*~*~*~

White Light Pillar

I have been meditating in guided group-form recently.
Tonight, I felt myself connected to a vertical column of white-light energy.
This column ran through my spine, up and down, giving space to my chakras all along it.
It took me over suddenly: One minute I was sitting, listening to my teacher's voice, and feeling the usual discomforts: my back ached, my mind wandered incessantly. Then suddenly, but slowly, I realized that there was a definite sensation in my spine: Yes, I felt like I was coming into Presence. The words my teacher spoke then, I can't recall them exactly now, but they came to my awareness as fitting perfectly the flow of my perception. There was space in my consciousness, and I allowed this light-beam sensation to take me over.
In doing this, I was still able to feel the usual things: my back still ached, and my foot was asleep. But it was like my real sensation was behind this, and above it: in alignment with the light pole, which came in from the top of my head, extending upwards. It also connected through and down my lower back and into the ground. I was able to take full belly-breaths, and this powerful alignment remained. It was solid, but breathable.
"I am permeable in my abode."

This sensation was very powerful, and I think I like meditation. :)
I feel that I was experiencing a chakra-alignment through my crown chakra, which I have rarely done.

It was wonderful! The soft orange glow of the lights and the presence of the Dalai Llama's pictures framed a nice exterior as well. And when my teacher said, "Take the breaths you need. Then slowly come back to this room, to your friends." I felt comfortable leaving this inner place of peace. I know that it is there to be explored always, accessed in new ways, and available more and more in my life as I practice the embodiment of it over time.

Forests Growing People

Oh my god. Tonight I fell in love!

...With Sadhana Forest.

I have been hearing about this place more than any other since I have been here. Laina, my High School friend, returned to Auroville just to live in Sadhana. April, my new fire-hooping friend, is living there. Karen sas said it is like a new, mini-Auroville. And all this prepared me only vaguely for the experience of contact I was to have with this place!

Every little detail of Sadhana speaks of love, community, creativity, spark. There are little gardens in the shapes of hearts and moons; huge intricate dreamcatchers in every building. And the buildings themselves--- oh wow. They are all straw huts of different sizes, simple to inhabit but sturdily and intricately built. They are so homey and earth-connected to be in. Sitting in the biggest community-center hut, with dozens of conscious conversations going on around, was like being in a native community- at the same time ancient, and fresh with the innovation of sustainable work.

Perhaps I should interject in this excited ramble a bit about what Sadhana does. Sadhana Forest was started seven years ago by an Iranian couple. They began it as a community based firstly on reforestation. This remains to be Sadhana’s main project. Five days after the community was started, a volunteer showed up, asking if there was anything he could do to help. Since that day, the community has not gone without volunteers. Now, there are over 100 volunteers. That is actually how Sadhana runs. They run on a “gift-economy” model, which means they don’t depend on direct-monetary trade. They describe their system as more of a triangle- they give their work, others (like friends and supporters) give money to them, and they give this money to the local workers and suppliers that they need materials from. So the volunteers work daily to run the community, in all aspects – from the actual reforestation, to the Healing Hut (with ayurveda, massage, reiki, and everything volunteers bring), to cleaning the (many) composting toilets! (Our tour guide actually started the tour off with the toilets, saying that our poop would be a great contribution to them, since they use human waste to feed the forest. “So please,” he urged us, “if you contribute anything to us, contribute your poop!”) :)

I could go on about Sadhana. I love it. I hope these few pictures I include will be worth more words than I can write here to describe the place- but one key thing in the experience was the movie.

Every Friday, Sadhana opens up to visitors for a tour, a movie and a vegan dinner (they are all vegan). Today, there were around 100 visitors! (We all crammed sweatily onto rickety buses from Auroville, which is about 20 mintues away.) The movie they played tonight was called “What About Me?” I highly recommend it to anyone who jives with Eckhart Tolle, Michael Franti, Ram Das, Deepak Chopra, or any spiritual/new age social ideas. It was incredible, and so full that I need to watch it again to break it down! Essentially, the message was: we so easily get into thinking about ourselves, and identifying with different roles. This ego-consciousness leads to suffering. We need to stop identifying with our pain, and let ourselves be more than that. One speaker said, "worrying is just praying for what you don't want." ...Hey, I should stop doing that! 

So the kicker for all of this is: Sadhana started a second project just a year ago, and they really need people to be a part of helping it to grow. And it is located in Haiti. …Did I mention that I am hoping to do an central/south America trip in the next year?...

We shall see what happens! But I was so inspired by the sustainable community of Sadhana, I know that I will be plunging my journeys into being part of this kind of work.

Tibetan Beach Day

       So I don’t think I’ve told you this  yet, but there is a group of about 20 Tibetan orphans staying at the Tibetan Pavilion with us. They are all between 13 and 16, and they live in a school in Darmsala.

      Before every meal, they sing an elaborate chant, paying homage to the 1^st through 4^th Dalai Llamas. So now, instead of loud village music being my alarm clock every morning, it is Tibetan chanting!

Up until today, we really haven’t had too much connection with them; both groups are very busy, and language is a barrier. But recently our group decided that it would be nice to give Kalsang, the wonderwoman who runs this place, a break of a few hours. So today we all divided up and took the kids for adventures!

      Henry, Jessica, Sarah and I took 4 girls to the beach. Though I was reluctant to go at first because of my aching for alone time, it ended up being so fun. We rode through the village in a little adventure group, cruising past the bright shops and village bustle. We arrived at the tranquil beach after the bike adventure, and all the girls were so excited! This is the first beach they have ever been to. Then we all joined hands, and ran yelling into the waves!

      It was a good experience for me in a different way too, because though I love the beach and feel very comfortable with it, I have too many memories of being dragged in the sand by intense Santa Cruz waves. Consequently, I have been avoiding swimming! But having the Tibetan girls with us today really eased me to break out of my shell, and swim out past the waves to go bodysurfing! Henry and I helped one of the girls out about 30 feet into the water. She was scared, but was a good swimmer. Once we got past the breaking, we could float on our backs, being carried gently by the lulling waves. It was so enlivening, rejuvenating, peaceful, and lovely! The brightly painted, wooden fishing boats flanked us in the distance. It was such a wonderful experience.

      It amazes me what bright, open, sharing and friendly people these kids are. When I hear “Tibetan orphan”, I think of a suffering life. However spending time with these kids has really opened me up to seeing past that simple perception. They are genuinely interested in connecting and sharing with us, and they have aspirations just like me. 

"I Like Babies".

Oh my gosh, life is gettin' busy! I hate to admit it, but I think I may be getting to point of "oh no! We have such little time left here, will I get to do everything I want to do?!" I don't like this feeling! I have written a list though of things I want to do before I leave (as if that will help me do them!) - But the latest is to lead a movement/dance workshop. :) Some people in my group have been urging me to do it, and after some impromptu group dance sessions and a fabulous dance workshop yesterday - lead by an Aurovillian woman - I think I will do it!
The dane session yesterday was great. It was very eye-opening for me too. Dance communities are my academic and passionate focus in life right now, and the approach that we took yesterday was so great! She first read us a poem, "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (READ IT!), then we talked about what  our biggest hopes in life are, and what is holding us back from embodying them. Then we put on music, and just danced about them! The simplicity and accessibility of this was wonderful and refreshing. Dance is for everybody! :)
Today has had quite a bit of dancing for me as well. I went to Mohanam and danced with the kids - again - whew! What a wipeout! But SO fun. In the morning when I got there, we did some chanting and om-ing together. I reflected how amazing and DIFFERENT it is for three-year-old children to be learning these inward practices in their preschools! What if American kids were taught those practices...? Food for thought!
In the village, I also was fortunate enough to witness a very personal and sacred task today. I went to the hut of a new mother- she has a one-month-old baby. This morning, the Medicine Woman of the village came over to give the baby a bath. This happens every other day for the babies in the village until they are 3 months old. It has ritual as well as physical meaning. It was pretty intense to watch- the baby was face-down, longwise on the Medicine woman's lap. She would vigorously scrub his whole body with soap, then splash hot water all over him and just as vigorously scrub it all off. The water was pretty hot, and the baby was screaming the entire time. The task had an attitude of "Oh you will be fine baby, this is to purify you, and pain is not bad. This is something you must go through, it is good for you. It is okay to treat you a bit roughly and it is okay that you are crying. This is part of the process." Watching it was a bit surprising for me, as it made me realize how differently we treat our babies in the US! We are so much more tender - generally speaking! - and less brusk. However, sometimes perhaps we are too tender- maybe the survivalist human instinct is bred out of American children because of how careful we are with them. (Often times when a baby cries, all the energy is directed towards calming them down immediately! However, isn't this an illusion- that our pain can be shushed away instantaneously? Maybe this pattern contributes to the quick-fix mentality we have in our Western materialist society.) Perhaps the village children here get instilled in them a respect for their elders through rituals such as this. Perhaps these practices contribute to the more ascetic, inwardly-connected culture of India.
Of course, these are huge generalizations! But just- food for thought. That is all.
Okay, quick update today~ I love you!

Giving Time, The Earth is Alive

Hello everyone! Well it is Sunday morning, and I am lingering over a rare treat, COFFEE. :) I have been thinking recently about spirituality, and where I fit into the universe of spiritual callings. I have never thought about in as concrete a way before; I have always just internalized the awareness that I am a spiritual person. However, when you look at spirituality from a more academic lens, and realize that there are major labeled spiritual paths, it becomes an interesting interaction. 

For our class, we are now reading about earth "religions", or worship of the earth. Such paths include "Gaia spirituality", and "Gaia Naturalism". However, similarly, there is also "Spiritual animism" and "natural animism". These are all basically slight variations on the same sentiment: that the earth is sacred and alive. (I never knew people could break it down into such sub-categories!) And I suppose, when talking across borders, these kinds of categorizations are at least helpful. And why not bring spirituality into the academic realm? It is true that until recently, it hasn't been considered appropriate to speak of personal spiritual experience in the world of academia. And yet, this is such an essential function of human life. It does feel a bit awkward trying to box my spiritual beliefs into such terminology, but it is a useful exercise. I am not actually aiming to define it, but it is helpful to exercise my brain in the pursuit of communicating my experiential wisdom in myriad settings. 

So, I realized that I feel akin to this idea of Gaia spirituality, and so I bought the book The Secret Life of Plants. So far it is very interesting: plants and humans do communicate!

Other than that, I had a wonderful day on Friday. I helped in Anandi's kitchen all day to prepare for a big raw food buffet! We made raw soup, mashed cauliflower, salald, chocolate mousse, cheesecake, and a whole gala of other sorts for about 150 people. Then we went to serve it, and it was a flurry of marvelous activity! I can say that I was really in a kind of heaven- serving masses of yummy sacred raw food to so many people! And all my friends were there coming through the line. It was magnificent, and I snacked on raw chocolate mousse the entire time. (I could live on that stuff!) Somewhere in the process, though, I realized that for the first time really, I really received so much joy out of just giving my effort and time to help. There was no exchange of money in it for me; I just wanted to absorb myself into the act of giving my services. It was a really energetic experience! Especially since I have so much care for raw food, it was easy to give so much time and energy to just this simple task of giving. 

It made me reflect on the value of volunteering though- to really put your agenda aside to give your time and energy to someone's cause is really rewarding for everyone involved. Good karma, as they would say here!

Here are a few pictures highlighting a couple of fun events in my life recently:

There was a world dance show in Auroville a couple of nights ago! Amazing dancers :)

The puppies just opened their eyes a couple of days ago! They can almost walk too.

Adorable affectionate money family just chillin' on a temple.

Jacky, this is for you: Shiva's sacred Bull, Nandi. There are cows ALL over the temple!

So tiny!

I love you all so much! And as always, thank you for the inspirational and heartfelt, soulful comments~ We are so connected!

Mohanam Kids and the Village Threshold

So, I have not told you about the Mohanam kids yet!
Every Wednesday, I am going to the Mohanam Cultural Center, to interview different villagers with my camera, and also to play with the kids! Every week, I am giving the children dance workshops. The kids are between 2 and 4, so these mostly consist of guided improvisations. We put on Indian music, and they mimic my movements and vocal expressions, like this: "Wave your hands in the air! Now dive down! Pat the ground! Now grow up, like a flower!" -It is so fun. The kids are SO cute, and they just come alive when we dance! At the end of each song, they all scream and jump and clap, "YAAAAAYYY!!!!" Sometimes it becomes very chaotic, only as expected when you have 20 three-year-olds running around, knocking into each other! Some of them get into fights vying for positions on my lap! They are all so adorable though, and it is so fun to dance and play with them. For all the kindergarten teachers out there, I don't know how they do it everyday! These kids have SO much energy, and consequently I am exhausted after being with them for three hours! But once a week is a special event for all of us to come together.
Going into the village each week is in itself an event. Since Auroville is such an oasis, there is a definite feeling of crossing a threshold when I enter the village. I go over this rough hilly pass, through two small lakes and a beautiful grove of trees. Then I enter the village, through a deep, ever-existing puddle of brown water.
People say that India is the fastest-developing nation in the world. I don't see that. Instead, I see: a man reading the newspaper barefoot on his porch at 9:30 AM. I see three women, sitting close together under a palm tree, braiding flowers into each other's hair. I see a gang of dogs and a couple of monkeys having a face-off on the corner of a dirt road. I see tiny huts made of earth and straw, and old women napping in the entrance.
I also see trash everywhere on the sides of the streets. I see standing pools of brown, algae-ridden, disease-laden water. I see about 10 mangy dogs on every street. I see beautiful trees overlooking ponds- eucalyptus, acacia, and other swaying types. But the trash at their feet impinges upon their naturalness.
In the village, I see people- living close to the earth. I see people living close to their sacred cows, and their stray dogs. I see people living a life that they know in their bones is theirs to live. Do they want to be living it? Maybe not. It does not matter- because they live so close to the earth, they can hear its wisdom thumping on their bare feet. It is like the Tamil-Indian Heartbeat to which they are connected.

Solitude Eco-Music Fest

So, yesterday was a kind of culmination I think- or maybe just continuation- of this familiar feeling I have been having!
I spent all day at the Eco-Music fest in Solitude Farm. There were over 800 people there total, and many bands played!
I hung out with the other yearly student group that comes to Auroville: Living Roots. It is a US program that sends young people to different Eco-Villages around the world. Everyone on the program is really down-to-earth. We jumped into the deep well at Solitude, which was really scary at first, but it felt SO refreshing to swim in un-chlorinated water!!
We then played hackey sack and danced at the music stage. It was weird, I had this feeling of deja-vu that passed in and out of my consciousness the whole time. Maybe it was because being with a bunch of American hippie-folk dancing to live music in the sunshine felt SO familiar, and yet I would look around me and see banana fields, Indian people in saaris, and remember that I am in INDIA! It was a very interesting sense of community: many travelers were there, from around the world, just passing through this place. There was a feeling of new-ness; Auroville is only 40 years old, so it doesn't have that feeling of roots or history; it has fresh-roots, building roots. It is young. None of us have been here very long! SO it is a lot of very different, international people coming together to create community. It was a very unique feeling.
The music was great though, and I even added to it by - did I tell you I bought the guitar?? Yes, a cute little pink guitar named Lyla. She fits in my backpack! She has a BEAUTIFUL sound for such a teeny lady, and is a perfect travelling guitar. I sat up on a bamboo structure and jammed for a little while with some of the Living Roots girls.
I then had a BLAST helping to sell kombucha with Anandi and her helpers. I was kept very busy by people who wanted kombucha, and it was fun to tell people about it who didn't know! I felt like I was helping to share the living foods spirit by passing on information. :)
Then, by nightfall, there was an international jazz band playing: a tall-thin African bass player with dreads down to his knees, an old French drummer with a white turban, a rockstar Indian guitar player, and a European female singer in a wheelchair. I liked their diversity, and they were incredible! So, I GOT. DOWN. ;P It felt SO good to finally rip-roarin' DANCE it out under the stars: orion's belt was right above me!, and the tall banana trees, and so many dancing happy people!
Then an awesome Brazilian/Portuguese band played: "Yemadas" is their name. They used to be "Nomadas" because they are nomads, but wanted to be positive instead of negative so they changed the "no" to "Yeah". I liked that. ;)
Well, they had people dancin', and when later on they called out, "We are waiting for a samba dancer to come up onstage!", I bet you can guess who raced up there first! ;)
All in all, it was a great experience; I feel like I am getting more and more integrated into the community of Auroville. I am starting to recognize many people, and make connection between friends. In opposition to my usual 9 PM bedtime, though, staying out until 2 AM made me feel almost hungover this morning, and made me appreciate the more mellow lifestyle I have been living so far!
~*~*~*~
Ahhh, it is so beautiful here though, and it is hard to stay bad-feeling for long. I am now sitting at the American Pavilion, listening to the birds, hitting away the flies, enjoying a raw cacao-&-cashew bar, and feeling sleepy. Halfway through my Auroville trip, here I am. :)

A Day in the Life

Well, I have been feeling more at home here in Auroville. I think that going away for the weekend really solidified coming back here as the feeling of coming home.
Also, I have been partaking in some very familiar activities which add to this feeling, such as:
1) Making signs for a music festival! The farm next door (Solitude) is having an eco-music fest this Saturday. They are building a stage, some rides, face painting, and booths of Auroville organizations. There is a hustle and bustle of preparation, and I felt like I was sitting on my back porch, making signs with Kate for a Fancy That Production! :)
2) HULA HOOPING! I finally went to one of the many movement classes happening here, and - not surprisingly - HULA HOOPING was where I ended up! It was SO FUN; I've missed it! I learned some new tricks, and it got me excited to hoop fire again.
3) Going to a good ol' talent show! Last weekend, a few hundred Aurovillians and guests gathered outside at an ampitheatre, and saw some amazing acts! There was fire dancing, Brazilian samba and capoeira (I danced onstage with the band!), singer-songwriters, an Indian stand-up comedian (he used to feel like he was trapped in a woman's body. ...Then he was born!), and many other talent. It made the community feel alive; there was also a fire, and stands selling drinks and food- it was like a mini-festival scene.
4) Speaking of festivals, there is a place here called the Youth Camp. What they do there is play. They have dozens of huge climbing structures, huge swings, and many rainbow painting projects everywhere. (Including a rainbow car stuck upside-down in the ground!). They all live in tree houses. They are planning  a 3 day electronic music festival in the forest. Guess what it's called??? "Burning Woman". :D
5) This may be the coolest thing I've been doing: Hanging out with my friend Laina from HIGH SCHOOL!! She came here last year on a school program, then came back and has been living here for the past 4 months. She ran into me one day on the road... Such synchronicity! I have been enjoying spending time with her in this unique place!
 I just feel like time here is strange; my concept of it is not linear. (Which is GREAT!) I have been here about a month, which seems both longer and shorter than my inner reality... if that makes sense. I am almost halfway through this experience... and what does that even mean? I feel like I am swimming in constantly fluctuating presence of experience. And one thing is for sure, there is a definite collective energy here that pushes me toward spiritual connection. It is not simply a choice, although it is that too. The focus here, if there is just ONE, seems to be spirituality of one sort or another. Thus, I have been doing some digging. :)
And maybe it is this that has created the sensation of extremities that I have been feeling. Maybe it is the tropical climate. But one thing is for sure: "Things go faster here." That is what they say. If I am feeling down, I will surely be happy in a short time. Seemingly shortly after that, I will experience a discomfort or hardship in one way or another.
SO, I am convinced that I will return to you all with AT LEAST 5 years of wisdom under my belt. Ahhh... YEP.
...HAH! Just kidding. ;P Gotcha.

Let's take a stroll.

Jessica, Richie and Anshika - FUNNY moment. :P

Ganesh, just takin a break. (It's hard work being a Hindu Go!) Did I mention that Ganesh is Shiva's son?

Well, that is the update. Thank you all for your posts and comments, they are so wonderful and I feel like you are so connected to my experience! Share the love!

The Body of Shiva

Hello! So before my experiential awareness moves on, I want to tell you a little about the place I went this past weekend- Thiruvannamalai.
First of all, I want to go back!
It is an incredibly sacred town located around a mountain, which is known to be the God Shiva's body is ancient Hindu mythology.
It is also the place where one of the most celebrated recent Indian gurus was lead. His name is Sri... Ramanamaharshi. (Whew!) There is a huge ashram where he is buried, an even HUGER temple for Shiva, and caves in the mountain where Sri M. meditated for many years.
On Saturday, I got to climb Shiva. :)
At this point, some of you are probably wondering why I am calling myself "Shivaya Ajna", and this would be a fitting time to tell!
This year at Burning, I received my "Playa Name". This is a special name that you are supposed to receive at Burning Man; you are not supposed to choose it yourself, but rather receive it. This year I went to a naming booth (cheating? Maybe!), and had a wonderful experience receiving my playa name.
They called me Shiva. For me, this name represents my passion for dancing, as well as my continual striving to come from a heart-centered place of love, and recognize that sometimes, coming from a place of love means using the force of destruction, and sometimes it means fostering growth.
In Hindu tradition, Shiva is the God of transformation. He has two sides: the one which is involved with people and contributing to communities, and the side where he is withdrawn and in himself. He is depicted in many different incarnations and forms.
A main form that I really resonate with is the Dancing Shiva. You may have seen a statue of this somewhere! The Dancing Shiva is depicted dancing in a ring of fire. He is stepping on his ego with one foot, and raising the other foot away from it. He has four arms- two form a gesture, which means "do not be afraid, you are free". The other two arms hold the fire of life and passion, and a drum, for the rhythm of life.

In Hindu tradition, there are over 300 million gods worshipped. In India, Shiva is the God with the most temples. There are temples to worship Shiva in association with each element: earth, air, water, fire, and space. In Thiruvannamalai, the temple is the Fire Shiva temple. It is an impressive structure- I will post pictures soon!
So this Saturday, I - along with 8 brave groupmates and a local guide - woke up at 3:30 AM to hit the mountain! We climbed the steep, rugged slope until just before dawn. Then we reached the top.
I was dripping sweat when we got there, but I instantly became cold, because we were engulfed in a fast-moving, wet cloud! It was a dark grey color, and the top of the mountain was sticky and black from the ritual fires that are burned each full month there. (It is said that Shiva's power waxes and wanes with the cycle of the moon, and he is most powerful on the full moon. Thus, millions of people come to Thiru every month to walk around the mountain.)
Our guide pointed me toward the edge of the mountaintop, where there were two white footprints painted inside of a white circle. "These are Shiva's feet," he told me.
Instantly, I remained fixed there. I felt, "this is my spot." So I stood there with my arms up, letting the cloud sweep past me, turning my sweat to cold moisture droplets, and filling me with a sense of adventure and flight. Looking into the dark mist, I felt I was at the edge of some world.
I chanted Shiva's name and om'd as the clouds became slightly pink through the layers. Then the mist would dissipate for a minute or so, giving us a plunging view into the city and mountains far below.
We practiced some yoga with our guide to keep warm, then turned around in time to see the sun - a round orange orb - reaching through the gray clouds. Slowly, the orange, pink and yellow hues of the sunrise began to paint the mountaintop, and the clouds continued to thin. Eventually, we could see the scene below - the sprawling city in the valley, lakes glistening with the sun's light, and the Shiva temple bombarding the expanse of land with its prowess.

It was so beautiful! This weekend definitely helped me to connect more with this name I have received! Climbing a mountain before sunrise was definitely an experience; one which my thighs painfully remember, and one which I hope to explore in more sacred mountains of the world. Every mountain is sacred and lends a powerful opportunity to connect with spirit!

I love you all so much! Thank you for reading and stayin' with me!

Big Questions

I am not sure quite where to start. But I know I need to write.
There are some big questions of our time that I am thinking about. They are existent not only here in Auroville, but all over the globe. Traditions are being swept up in modernization. What is being lost? Will the ancient wisdom of cultures be lost in this modernization?
These are a couple of big questions that mainly can't be answered hypothetically.
I am trying to speak through my heart to ask and relate to these questions.
Here in Auroville, there are- of course- issues. The issues I am thinking of here are around the relationship between the Aurovillians, and the local villagers. There are some extremely different worldviews at play in this weaving of communities, and how do we integrate strange cultural interactions?
These have been the observations that have really pierced me ever since I got here- the inequalities of wealth, the extreme poverty of the villagers. And yet, the more I interact with them personally, the more I think that they are unaware of these issues, at least in the ways that I am. Of course, language is a barrier; but when I asked a local street performer if he thought that modernization would wipe out this ancient practice of street theatre, he replied, "Culture is like the floor of a house. Modernization is like the walls. Storms will come and knock the walls down, but the ground will remain."
I find this very potent- firstly in the way he answered: these people do not think highly abstractly and theoretically like we are taught to; they are invariably connected to their work, their practices, and their dense culture.
I am just beginning to be exposed to these issues on an experiential level, so I cannot fully make sense of all the complexities. However, I do think that the issues of culture, interaction, and modernization are important to consider!

Pikkies for your Wikkies

I don't know what the title means. Don't ask... maybe i am just getting into my rhyming scheme mindset... you know, another way to express my creativity.

Okay, wait. I know... It is too sunny to be on the computer right now, so I'm going to go for a bike ride! To Kuilapalayam (I can FINALLY say that right!) I am going to get some yummy fruit and nuts and honey and make a RAD fruit salad. Then I am going to learn about hinduism for 3 hours. Then I am going to creep early in the morning to a sacred temple on a mountain, and meditate in ancient sacred caves.

I will let you know how it goes!

I am always watching. ;P 

Mama is Mid-birth!

Today, I Witnessed the Miracle Of Life.

~*~*~*~
Tonight is a Full Moon.
The night I arrived here, I stepped out of the car, and the first thing I noticed was the upwards-facing crescent moon.
The second thing I noticed was Mozambique.
All of the dogs here look alike. Today I asked what breed Mozambique was, and Kalsang replied, "the Tamil kind".
From day one, Mozambique was a source of comfort and kinship for me. When I felt out of place and lonely, I could go to here and feel love. She is the calmest, most zen dog I have ever met.
Today, she gave birth. And I arrived home just in time to witness the 6th and final pup be pushed out.
Since this morning, Mozambique had been shivering and whimpering; we all knew that today was her day.
Diane says that her having birth on a full moon makes total sense. Diane is our assitant teacher on the trip. She lives on Hornsby Island near Vancouver, and spent about 10 years as a midwife in India, traveling all over through rural villages. She has written a book on midwifery and rural India. She says that many births happen within 3 days surrounding the full moon. The moon pulls on the tides, and pulls on our watery bodies.
I think we are all glad that Diane is around, as she was able to give assistance to the exhausted Mozambique. We all sat with her and sang her songs and gave her water after she was done. She had been working SO hard, and all her pups looked like little closed-eyed wet seals, nuzzling their way to her breast. We were all amazed at how Mozambique and her pups knew exactly what to do. The process of birth is so instinctual!
The only person present with Mozambique throughout the whole process was Karen, our teacher. It must have been a pretty powerful experience for her, especially since this is her first year ever in Auroville without her only daughter, Maya.
Tapping into this incredible and natural rite of motherhood is giving in to the divinity of womanhood. The pain and instinct that birthing takes is like tapping into the most ancient tribal dance; the most universal song of creation.
And so, I suppose it was also instinctual that I began calling Mozambique "Mama" before I ever knew her name. She was a "student's dog", meaning she was originally a village stray and began hanging out with a student who stayed at the Tibetan Pavilion. Thus, I think she has found a beautiful home here. :) She is an incredible dog, and I will always remember this experience.
Now, my biggest thought is, "I want to take a puppy home with me!!"  :)
~*~*~*~

I am Relaxing in the Sunlight

~*~*~*~
Today at Anandi's, we talked about the wisdom of our bodies. Our bodies have their own language, and their own wisdom. Rather than cull our symptoms of imbalance back with allopathic medications, we can listen to the cues our bodies give us. We can allow things to pass through us, and we can trust that if our bodies need to rest, they will sort out the balance. In listening to our bodies, we can "eat to optimize phenotypic expression." In other words, not every way of eating is for everyone. Some people may thrive on a meat-laden, diet, some may thrive on veganism. Our make-ups are each unique, and we need different things to put into our bodies to fully realize ourselves in this way. Body-wisdom is the key to realizing our optimal balance and nutrition.
Today at Anandi's we made hibiscus juice with fresh hibiscus flowers, pomegranate seeds, honey, lemon juice, fresh aloe gel, and water. We also had a salad and stuffed tomatoes, and a dessert "halvah" of beets, dates, and cardamom. ...SOOO yummy! I love raw food. :)
I have been reading the Tao Te Ching recently, as I will be presenting on it and its connections to ecology for my class. Here are a few excerpts that are inspiring:

All streams flow to the sea
because it is lower than they are.
Humility gives it its power.

I have just three things to teach:
simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.

To find the origin,
trace back the manifestations.

If you want to know me,
look inside your heart.

Seeing into darkness is clarity.
Knowing how to yield is strength.
Use your own light
and return to the source of light.

~*~*~*~

I am enjoying the warming sunlight and the singing conversations of birds. I am reveling in my sustained moments of simplicity. I am drinking yummy kombucha, and I am relaxing. I am loving the blue sky.... and I am thinking about Christianity, what makes history (ideas versus actions), mortality (why do people cling to religion?), ecology (how to relate to it truly- through emotional connection, or to rational facts and statistical evidence?).

So you see, many things are going on for me.
How about you?
~*~*~*~

A Few More Pongal Pics

Pongal weekend was full of coconut, sugar cane, colors, flowers, kolums, smiles and singing children!

A cow cart full of kids making the rounds. "Pongal-o! Pongal-o!"

This boy was helping to prepare the sacred cow for pulling the cart. The family blessed the cow and fed her, and of course decorated her too!

This house had some adorable baby goats! This village girl was my model. :)

In-motion, passing another cartful of joyful, colorful children!

A village man and his wife. Many villagers ask to have their picture taken, many times. They love it! I like this man's face; he looks friendly and wise.

I got a quick henna job by a village woman, because my group was leaving me behind and it was getting dark! Here I am offering a mutual blessing to this angel statue at a local clay wheel hut.

A "kolam" in front of a Ganesh altar.

A family in the village of Kuilapalayam on Pongal.

The streets of every village are filled with colorful "kolams" during the 3 days of Pongal. The women of the houses make them everyday, and they take around 2 hours! This is part of the celebration weekend.

Pongal-o!

I figured out how to post pictures! It takes a really long time to load though, so here are just a meager few from the Pongal celebration yesterday! We drove in a big bus to a village where they celebrated by making rounds of the village on cow-drawn carts. The carts held about a dozen children- or 6 of us! Pongal is the Tamil New Year, and it is a festival of abundance and greeting. We drove around the village shouting, "Pongalo! Pongalo! Pongalo!" This means "Happy Pongal". The villagers were all so welcoming and happy to share their traditions with us. It was a great time! 

This villager was making a piece of art at a temple in the forest.

In the village where we celebrated Pongal, a father and mother celebrate together 

Baby cow gets some rest from all the festivities

Today was fun!

 Today was fun-
I was helping make a garden here at the international pavilion, and I was digging a trench in the hard soil, and really WORKIN! It was so fun. I even got blisters on my hands! Jessica and this volunteer Sam had an intense political discussion. Sam went to UCSC for 2 years, and has spent the past two years roaming Israel. He has no faith in our government. Jessica wants to be a lawyer, and work to make the government better. I am somewhere in the middle- I think that we can choose where to put our energy and money, and I choose to put mine into local, sustainable communities!
Anyway- with all of us helping, we finished a whole bed! And also filled these tubes with new concrete that we made from sand right here, syrofoam and mixer and water!
Then I went to the beach with Henry and richie, and we stopped at the music store. We played drums for a little bit; they both are really into getting drums. Then we went to the beach, and were walking along, and I asked Henry if he was going to swim and he was like, "Hell yes!"and then we saw a dude pooping on the beach! Then as we walked, we saw more and more piles of poop along the shore.
Apparently, it is the thing for locals to do.
No one ended up swimming!
Then 3 of our girls- Sarah, Caitlin, and Anshika ran to us, and they had some beautiful shells. Henry and Richie and I drank coconut water out of fresh young coconuts. Then I had chai with Sarah at the beach cafe, and she asked me if I could see myself living in a place like this... and at that moment, in the warm air, right on the beach, with yummy chai, I thought "definitely yes!". Then we colored cards with Anshika's sharpies, and then headed home.
On the way home, I bought some really cute clothes from a shop from Kashmir, which is in the north of India, in the mountains. They come here during their cold season. I chatted with the shop owners; they were super nice, and gave me a good price. :)
Then Richie and I -and Henry with Anshika on the back of his bike- stopped at a produce stand to get food to make for the group tomorrow night. (Yay, cooking! We all miss it!!)
Then we rode home; but the thing is, Auroville gets REALLY dark at night. Like, scary dark. And we had two measly headlamps between all of us; so, we talked in British accents and sang "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" from the Lion King. Well, Anshika and I did. Then Henry sped up, because I think he was getting annoyed with our loud singing and British accents!
Whatever, Henry. ;)
It is so warm out tonight; last night we had a huge bonfire here at the International Pavilion. It was really mellow, really great.
At the music store today there was this mini guitar; I am considering buying it, because at the end of our trip we will have a ten-day trip to the mountains, during which we will do a "solo", and spend time alone fasting in the woods for a day. I think a guitar might be really nice to have.... it was 2000 rupees, which is around $40. Do you think I should get it???
Anyway, peace, over and out.

Pebble Garden

Imagine, creating soil out of nothing.
This is essentially what "Pebble garden" does.
200 million years ago, the land around Auroville was rich tropical forest. Eventually, the British and French came, and settled a small town called "Pondicherry". They had issues with the tigers and elephants, so they cleared an area of 10 kilometers to prevent the animals from coming into their settlement.
However, tropical land and growth is very fragile, and can easily erode. With the monsoons, the topsoil can easily get washed away, and then no plants can grow. This is what happened to the land all around Auroville. From the deforestation, vast desertification was caused.
So now, the land we are left with here is thousands of years of layers washed away, and the result is pebbles. We are in an ancient riverbed.
The only trees that can grow in this terrain are Australian acacias, which somehow got introduced to the area along the way.
The only problem is, we can't eat these trees. So, the folks at Pebble Garden have tried to figure out how to reforest their land, using ONLY materials from that land itself. Otherwise, the 50 million acres of desertified land across India would have to be supplied with soil from elsewhere, and this doesn't solve the problem.
So these people decided to study the land. They noticed that termites are the best example to follow. Termites climb inside trees, and eat the bark. They then produce earth, or soil. So the PB folks used this method essentially, working with what they have:
They took the Australian acacia trees, grew them in flower beds, and as soon as they were grown, cut them down. Then they chopped them into little bits, and soaked them for a day. They then spread a layer of the chopped trees down on their garden bed. (Similar to fallen leaves). They then spread a layer of silt on top, which they collected from ponds they had built. (This layer of silt develops over time from rain and things getting washed into the ponds over time- don't ask me how they figured this out!!) They then repeated this many times, until they had a bed of 9" of shredded trees and silt. Then they let it process for 3 months. (Things in the tropics grow 100 times faster than other places!)
SO, from this process (it is really simple!) Pebble Garden now has an incredibly diverse garden, and they are invested in maintaining traditional crops. They have many different types of eggplant, tomato, and many other crops, which unfortunately are going out of use. This is because the large corporations that want to sell food for profit use mainly GMO, which are resilient to the pesticides that they use. This not only narrows down the type of crop produced, it also harms US. WE put these pesticides into our bodies through the food, and there is no way to time-test the effects of these pesticides. Who knows what could be the outcome of GMO food in 50 years...
Unfortunately, Obama made a deal with India to pass along the US's GMO technology. (NOOO!) So essentially, Pebble Garden is working to fight this monopolization and narrowing of crops, by growing diverse types of crops traditionally grown in India, and distributing 5000 seeds per year to many different farmers. They grow most of their crops for seed.
And imagine.... they began this in 1994 with no soil, and now look at what they are doing! This is truly inspiring.
And the best thing they said was, "Anyone can garden!"

Sat Chit Ananda, Street Theatre and Ecological Spirituality

Well it is certainly hard to follow up that last blog. That was definitely an intense experience, which has continued to affect me.
I want to say thank you also, to everyone who is staying with me and continuing to read my blog! It makes me feel so warm and loved to read your comments! :) You really are going through this with me.
I have been extremely busy recently, doing some amazing things- making raw food with Anandi is one experience I have been drawn into powerfully. She is a magic-mama in the kitchen, and is full of wisdom, laughter, lightness and warmth. I am learning so much from her every day I go. She has decided to name her raw restaurant "Satchitananda". Sat means truth, Chit is consciousness, and Ananda means Bliss. the restaurant is planned to open in 6 weeks. I am excited to be a part of its grand opening.
The other day at Anandi's, we went for a nature walk to learn about some of the local plants and their medicinal and nutritional qualities. Before we even stepped foot off the property, Anandi said, "And now we must begin here. You have to learn, to start in your very own backyard, to find the abundance which awaits you." We found so many plants, and she had a story and information for all of them. Afterwards, we put all our greens into a yummy green juice with pineapple. Before eating and drinking each day, we all hold hands, feel our gratitude rising within us, and OM together. I swear, treating food as such a spiritual, communal ritual makes me so deeply happy. I wish that we treated the food we put into our bodies as more sacred all the time. If we don't, how can it really fulfill us? Food is not simply physical fuel, it is our greatest connection to the material world, and to nature. What we put into our bodies from the earth IS sacred, and to give it energy, blessing it and respecting it brings such a beauty and power to the interaction. It makes me feel fulfilled on an emotional, energetic, and even I could say spiritual level.
This morning I spent my time in the village. I am planning to make a video documentary illustrating the beauties of village life. This project is working with Balu through Mohanam. However, I feel overwhelmed, because I don't have much filming experience, and this feels like a really big project! However, I am taking it bit by bit, and trying to portray what I see as artistically, honestly, and accessibly as possible. I have been working with this wonderful woman Sudha, who is a teacher at Mohanam. She has been my tour guide and translator essentially, bringing me everywhere I want to go in the village, and making connections so that I can talk to the villagers. She is eager to help! So today, I was fortunate enough to interview a street theatre artist. He has been doing it for 30 years, and talked spiritedly about his work, the problems with modern culture (film is becoming more important, and street theatre is declining), and his work teaching the children of Mohanam the craft. Then I was lucky to film some teenage boys perform some street theatre. I didn't understand what they were saying, but it was really fun! They have raised money to go to Thaliand next week for an international music festival. They will perform some traditional Tamil drumming and dancing there. I am excited for them!
I have also started classes with my group. Our main class is called"Nature, Spirit, and Political Theory". It has been really interesting so far. OUr group is the most diverse yet according to Karen, our teacher. We come from all kinds of different backgrounds spiritually; we have a couple of Christians, a Muslim, a couple of Buddhist-aligned people, a couple of Pagan-aligned people, some atheists, and many mixed or confused people. We all agree though that we are here to find ourselves spiritually. However, when discussing such things as how religion can relate to ecology in the face of this huge environmental crisis, some really deep values are put up for questioning, and it is hard to keep an open mind without being so attached to your own view. It has been really great so far though; the group is really tight-knit, and we all enjoy spending time together. I look forward to continue bringing up questions about ecology, and how we can relate to the earth and the material world from a more spiritual standpoint. As it is, things like politics and the environment are dealt with from a very rational point of view; but perhaps belief could be essential in re-framing our relationship to the earth. Because one thing is obvious: our consumerism has to change. As Karen puts it, we are living in a system that is linear: from mining resources, to production, to consumption, to waste. However, nature works in cyclical patterns. Thus, we are living in a system that has violated the patterns of nature. We have to learn how to round the corner of our linear system, and simplify our own lives so as to work in tandem with our Earth. What is needed is a change of consciousness. Then we will realize that MORE does not actually make us happy. Then we can practice contentment, and focus our energy instead on striving to live in alignment with Nature.
But what drives us most is our beliefs. These are deeply held. So to examine them, and see what we hold as most important in our lives, is essential.
I am really tired right now, so I hope this all makes sense. :) There are many more details I could go into, but I hope this gives you a little overview of some of the things I have been doing.
As always, I am thinking of you and holding you all in my heart. :) Be well!

My Heart is still Burning and Pulsing Right Now.

Some people take LSD. Some people read Sri Aurobindo.

This is my outlook about 20 minutes after having a significant experience.

My group and I went to talk with Shradavan, a woman who runs Savitri Bhavan. It is a center built from a poem by Sri Aurobindo, “Savitrti.”

I had no idea who the woman was. But when we all gathered into a basement room in a circle and she asked us to tell her our names and what we hope to find in Auroville, I instantly thought, “Oh, great; this is what- the tenth time we have to do this, and I don’t feel like it. Can’t she just tak with us and be happy?” So I automatically held a minor, superficial annoyance with her.

However, when she began talking, I unfortunately- and fortunately- couldn’t help but pay more attention.

She has been in Auroville since 1970. Auroville was founded in 68, and the Mother died in 73. She is the oldest Aurovillian I have met. It wasn’t this that got me, though. It was how she began to explain the philosophies of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

Again, when she began speaking, this weird feeling came over me; before today, I have held a perception that some of the older Aurovillians I have talked to seem already dead. They seem so disattached from many human desires perhaps, that they seem perpetually out-of-body. It freaks me out; I get an eerie, dry-wrinkled-carboard-skin-lifeless feeling from it. I really don’t know how to describe it better…. Like time has already gone, they are no longer here, they are so “higher consciousness”.

However, this time, while I noticed this feeling coming on, I decided to try to keep an open mind, and see if I could figure out where this feeling was coming from, and WHY.

This woman’s energy was SO calm. The things she talked about – that evolution is not finished yet, and that Auroville is a place to look toward to future, are pinpoints of what makes me feel weird. I directly related this to my readings of Echkart Tolle, which I hold very important in my own spirituality. While this woman was saying that our spirits and centers exist inside of us, there is this focus on the future. I thought, if we have spirit inside of us, why do we have to look toward the future? Why can’t we focus on accessing this higher consciousness right here, right now? Why not move from where we are? This focus on the future seems to be a really disconcerting and disconnecting ideal to me, and I think it is part of what creates this feeling inside of me that is SO strange and squiggly-yucky-removed.

Then I dove in- I went straight into an Alex Grey painting. I began realizing, these things she are saying are’t invading me. They are more like slithering snakes on the outside of my being, which is a vibrant, colorful DNA strand constantly spiraling. These snakes are on the borders of Me, but they are not trying to invade. They are just eerie, reminding me that they are there. And what are they made of that makes me feel so weird? Mystery. It is precisely that the philosophies of Sri Aurobindo and The Mother are so non-existent in a sense that I feel so uncomfortable; it is because I don’t know.

They say no religion in Auroville. So it is easy to mistake their philosophies for a new kind of religion. This is not what they want. So I realized, maybe I am used to people tryng to get me to see a certain perspective when they talk about spirituality and religion and philosophy; maybe I am used to putting up this defense, very subconsciously, because this is what people are ater- to relate through a common understanding. Yet, this is different…. Maybe this is the freedom to choose.

There. From then on, I stopped feeling like I was being threatened by these ideas to come away from myself, but rather I was being invited to not listen to the words, and find my own connection. It was this super weird, twisted way of making me come about to realizing that I have my own connections to make. I have to fight to keep my center. These words, you have to read in between them. Maybe some people don’t, but as soon as this thought crossed my mind, I began to break the social code of being still while listening to this woman talk, and I began the simple movement of rolling my head.

Wow. This was a physically noticeable change in a super crazy state of awarenss already; I felt instantly connected with myself, and instantly, this weird, eery, heady feeling of looming disconnection and impending specific, different spirituality morphed into a warm, tingly buzz in my stomach and feet. Instantly, I dropped into my center. Then I felt like I was going to cry.

YES. I had found myself.

I went back into the Alex Grey painting, and this time I really just felt that my being at this moment was the huge, colorful, spiraling DNA sequence. It was my energy. I remember actually thinking, “Wow, I have just made a significant leap in consciousness.” I felt like I was witness to a whole huge deep shift of awareness that happened right before my eyes.

Then I started to warm up to the lady, and to the ideas of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo. “Maybe this is precisely what this is,” I thought. “the opportunity, the invitation, to get out of yourself in order to hold stronger to your values, to your core, and in doing so, in being reminded of the great mystery, shed what isn’t important, and cling with your life to your very being.”

This was very intense. So after this movement though, I began to listen with a more open mind to the words, and some of them made more sense to me.

What a strange, subtle, thing energy is…. And I thought, after so long in this Intense pace of Auroville, I am sure that this woman has mastered some of her own understanding! So yes, it is good that she is having such an effect on me.

So after I got out of the room, I was on a mission. To do what? TO write some of these thoughts down….. and then, I really honestly truly realized I was having a significant psychadelic experience, and I didn’t even take drugs….

So then I realized, “Hey. If the Mother is saying that you have the freedom, and you can take your own power, then what is it you want to do”?” So I put my bag and shoes down, and began to dance. I think that was a significant choice.

So anyway, this whole account is really stream-of-consciousness, because it just happened. So I understand if some of you DON’T understand!!

HOWEVER, I guess that’s it.